Lucius Malfoy is Super fine!
by When-turtles-strike-back
Summary: When you're Lucius Malfoy society forgives you for swindleing little old ladies...because you're Super Fine, and you have a shiny cane.   OneShot. plz read/reveiw.


A/N: I really don't have any witty things to say about my life in general… just enjoy the luscious Lucius chapter. Oh I heart Mister Malfoy, he's so rad!

Dedicated to my lovely friend that I once hit with a whip: you know who you are.

Disclaimer: don't sue me and I won't sue you because I totally could I know my rights.

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Lucius Malfoy Is Super Fine!

The old lady wouldn't give him back his change. He should be getting **three** Sicklesback in change, but the batty old hag wouldn't co-operate with his profoundly accurate calculating skills. The cardinal rule when dealing with Lucius Malfoy is that you should never try to cheat him where money is concerned, it was unacceptable.

"I'm supposed to get more change then this." Lucius pushed the offending coins away from him, "You really must be stupid, you old hag." Lucius spat venomously, eyeing the elderly shop women with distaste.

"Listen young man," The blue haired witch pointed accusingly at Lucius with her wrinkled bent fore finger, "I've been working around money for all my life, and I'm positive that you only get **three** sickles back in change."

"Then I suppose," Mr. Malfoy said his tone dripping with contempt, "it is time for you to retire, because I gave you three Galleons and two knuts, so I should get **six** sickles back, not **three**."

"I counted out the total twice… its** three** sickles." The old lady slid three silver coins across the counter, and stared pointedly at the tall man.

"Not unless you're counting in twos…" Lucius paused a moment praying for the strength to deal with this obviously dotty aged person. "You haven't beencounting in twos, have you?"

"NO!" her tone filled with outrage, "I am very good at my job sir." She huffed in defiance.

"It is quite obvious that you're not." His lip curled as he palmed the silver top of his cane, like a tension ball, still trying to be patient with the senile crone.

"If you keep insulting me like you are sir, I'm going to ask you to exit the store," The witch stated in a calm firm voice.

"Not without giving me my money." Lucius pushed the coins back to the clerk.

"Here **three** sickles," She practically threw the money at him, her face growing red with emotion.

Lucius smiled indulgently as he pocketed the sickles, then held his hand out, "I want all of my money."

"It may be possible Mr. Malfoy," She said in a slow grinding tone, "that you are the one that misscounted."

"Well" He drawled his words foaming with sarcasm "it may also be possible that you are a Gorilla dressed as an irritating shop minion, would that be correct?"

The Witch took a deep breath, and looked squarely at the pompous wizard. "I am kicking you out of the store now."

"Why you inbred…" He paused trying to think of a word that would convey his utter hate for this shop monkey that tested him so, "impoverished person." He growled with disgusted fury.

"If anyone here is inbred," she curled her chapped lips into a sickly sweet smile, "it's you sir."

"Well... I never," Lucius mouth gaped in shocked outrage, this no account peon had no right talking to him like that. "I ought to have you killed," He spat angrily, "I can do that you know, I'm Rich!"

The shop witch looked unimpressed, her hands resting on her hips. "Well, If you're so rich why are you making such a big deal over **three** sickles"

"So you're admitting to shortchanging me." Lucius hunched his back and leaned over the counter to stare menacingly at the old biddy.

"I haven't shortchanged you, I was just asking a question."

"It's not about the sickles, it's the principle of it." He straightened up head held high, "The laws of Customer Service go back for generations, they are the first rules of civilization, and if those rules fall we might as well be running around like unclothed savages." His tone was dignified and ernest, his right hand over his heart, as if reciting prose from some long ago bible. "The customer is always right."

"I see…" she drawled out, obviously assuming that not all was whole in this mans head. "Well your still getting kicked out."

"I DEMAND TO SPEAK WITH YOUR MANAGER!" He shouted slamming his fist on the counter, face blooming in undiluted maddness.

"Fine…" she shrugged, unaffected by the outburst. "TONY GET IN HERE!" she shouted to the closed office door behind the till area. A few moments later a young man, about seventeen years of age, entered the room. His face was ruddy and pale. He was wearing an old tie-dyed t-shirt with baggy jeans, and his long mop of unkempt dreadlocked ginger hair was contained in a bright colorful Rastafarian type hat.

"S'up Lady C," He drawled lazily, eyes heavily lidded in a sleepy manner.

"This customer insists that I short changed him." She stated calmly, if not a little tiredly.

"Wah' tha's not coo'" He was shocked, one would assume, his face was only slightly less stoic than it had been before.

"Well I didn't, he just thinks that I did."

"Oh ya, hm. You sho' you didn't count wrong."

"Yes!" She insisted.

"And yo'r sho' tha' she did." He asked Lucius.

"Of course I'm sure, I am never wrong when it comes to my money." Lucius insisted.

"How much d'niro are we talk'in 'bout 'ere"

"**Three** sickles", the two of them said together.

"tha' it." he chuckled apparently amused.

"Well... what are you going to do about it." Lucius demanded, "because I'll have you know that this old wench has insulted me and she should be fired."

"WHAT!" she howled, "You have got to be the most rude, pompous bullhead that I have ever had the displeasure of meeting!"

From there the two started to argue back and forth, exchanging insults and barbs, Until the manager Tony cut his hand in between the two "Wow... jus' wow Dudes" He interjected, "stop wit'all the fighting, it's like really harshing on my mellow."

"What are you talking about you sad excuse for a human being." Lucius glared at the shorter boy, disgust clearly written on his face.

"Wow Blondie," Tony looked stoically up at Lucius, "that's some serious hostility you got…your aura is like totally scorched"

"I have no idea what you are yammering on about."

"Many have deigned to say those very words to me." Tony bowed his dreadlocked head solemly

"You are a very misunderstood genius Tony." The shop hag patted his back comfortingly.

"Thanx Lady C, if only my own mother understood me like you do."

"This is all ver well," Lucius gestured to the two of them, "But am I ever going to get my **three** sickles."

"Oh ya', sho' man" Tony smiled at Lucius, while the old witch looked horrified.

"What…" she sputtered, "you mean just give it to this…" she waved her decrepit old hand at Lucius as if he were an offensive bit of graffiti, "slime."

"Whateva s'juz **three** sic-allos." Tony shrugged, "No point in wor'in to much."

"You're the boss," she held Lucius money out in defeat. "here's "your" change."

"That better not be sarcasm in your voice" He snapped as he grabbed the money from her unsanitary lower income hand.

"You want to make something of it," she bit back.

"NO," He smirked cruelly, "unlike some people," he drawled, "I have better things to do than stand around and argue with senile old peasants."

"You could have fooled me," the witched muttered under her breath.

"What did you just say to me?" Lucius balked, "Do you know who I am?" He gestured regally to his chest. "I'm Lucius Malfoy, you do not want to cross me you decrepit old toilet brush."

"Just take you rich ass out of my shop." She pointed to the door.

"What has become of customer service these days?" Lucius ranted to himself as he stomped out of the grossly overpriced and poorly maintenanced shop. "Really what passes for manners?"

"Have a nice day Sir...your patronage has been appreciated." The Witch sang to him as he exited the shop. "I hope you contract a degenerative disease and die painfully." She waved to him through the storefront window as he stalked down the street.

Lucius strode down the alley. His superior mind was fuming, filled with biting thoughts all centered on how very high the lower castes were behaving, really did no one know their place anymore. When he calmed down enough he continued on with his day per usual, but that evening, as he sat in his study counting out his money, he discovered that he had **three **extra sickles. He couldn't for the life of him remember where he must have got them. Obviously he didn't remember his exchange with the rude shop lady. You see,Lucius Malfoy would never permit his mind to store the memory of such a low born plebeian, instead he was thought that some stupid clerk gave him extra change without realizing it. This disgusted Lucius, for it was his belief that to waste money, in this manner, was quite possibly sacrilegious.

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Wow... how embarassing. Not to Lucius of course cuz he doesn't embarass hah. Man this happened to me once, where I swore up and down that I should get 50 cents instead of just 25, I argued untill they gave me the money than I was counting my change and what I bought afterwards and I was like "Oh shit...my bad." understandibly I ws 13 at the time and math is not my subject, still awkward. plz R&R.


End file.
